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Writer's Block: Ohhh, baby

If your best friend asked you OR your partner to help you conceive a child, would you consider it? How do you think it would affect your friendship and your relationship?


Interesting q. Interesting to read the other responses on this one! Obviously I have thought quite a lot about these issues, like when we were trying to conceive. Basically being a non-heterosexual relationship is an instigator to think about all the other alternatives. Then, having my own child gives me a whole new perspective on it.

Depends on the nature of help. I think I'd share my genetic material but would want involvement (aunt-like) in the child's life. The parents would want some kind of contract to prevent me from trying to claim parentage of the kid, but I'd want in that contract that we'd stay in touch too. Hopefully, if it's my best friend, THAT wouldn't be an issue. The kid would never have to know if my best friend didn't want her to. I'd be happy to help my best friend out in this way if she needed it - either one of them.

If it required me getting pregnant and giving birth again, not on your life. It isn't just the work; I know I bonded instantly with my son. I wouldn't be able to give up a child born of my body. I know that now. I am smart enough to know that would cause problems, emotional issues, and I wouldn't be able to handle it. So I simply wouldn't commit to it. Besides, it IS a lot of work, changes to your body, to your life - even just during pregnancy. But most of all, it would be that the hormones that rush through your body at birth - oxytocin - has such an effect that you simply do not want to let go of the little person you made.

Comments

( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
jasonlizard
Oct. 23rd, 2009 08:44 pm (UTC)
A long time ago, a friend and I did discuss the possibility that if she couldn't find a partner, she might ask me to provide a set of chromosomes. That whole discussion changed once I started a serious relationship and family of my own and she's since decided on someone else to provide the set of chromosomes. But it could certainly complicate life knowing that you have progeny out in the world that you're not raising.

Do you think the decision would be any different between men and women if it were just the genetic material? Does egg donation differ any more than sperm?

Interestingly, there was just a case of a sperm donor who had a heart condition he didn't disclose. Some 9 of 24 children born from his sperm have the same condition. :(
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